Sunday, September 11, 2016

News from Nowhere Oslo

The alien slave raids grow more brazen every day.

No-one is safe from being sucked up in their mass tractor-beam abductions.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

When a new city of Clyde is created in my honour...

...I will insist that the street plan is based on the craquelure of Peder Balke paintings.
Conceivably there are secret subliminal messages there in Runic alphabet, perceptible only to Norwegian viewers.

Balke also painted lighthouses, providing "A Plague of Lighthouse-Keepers" as alternative title.

Sunday, September 4, 2016

What's going though your mind right now?

In the early days of lobotomies, the absence of x-rays and stereotactic devices made it difficult for the neurosurgeon to plan the lesion with any precision.
Not to mention the necessity of distracting the patient.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

From the dust I rose on high
Thunder cloud in a two-lane sky

Season follows season, as is their tiresome but time-honoured custom, and soon with the coming of Spring the garden bar at the Old Entomologist will be fit for human habitation again. At the moment it is only Old Jem who spends any time out there.

Which is a roundabout way of working up to warning you that another Riddled gardening column is about to occur. For your convenience, Old Jem's explanation of his garden-maintenance activities are translated into a rough approximation of English, rather than leave it in his own quaint but impenetrable rustic idiom, as a succession of meandering mouth-related sound-effects is liable to offend.

1. How many demons fell out of the sky in the course of winter and embedded themselves in the mud? Now it is time to get out the double-trenching spade and work up a sweat digging them in to a two-spit depth, or one capacious vomit, whichever comes first.

Despite an unpromising appearance, they make good fertiliser and enrich the humorous.
2. Have you checked the bindings around the mouths of the dragon stumps? Admit it, you forgot, everyone forgets... until the fabric perishes and their jaws are free and ugly rumours about missing children begin to percolate around the neighborhood again. That's why it's a good idea to wrap them with fresh bindings at the same time each year while the nasty brutes are quiet. I don't know why we grow them at all, it's not as if they produce any fermentable fruits; it must be a tradition, or an old charter or something.

3. There is still a heightened risk of lightning strike associated with the Magic Font. No-one knows why. Perhaps it is the wrong kind of magic.

How many other blogs pander to the bronies with Bach's "Trotatta & Fugue" and "Kaffeecanterta" arranged for 8 hooves on two invisible pianos?

None more. None more other blogs.

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Nature abhors a vacuum, especially if it is an over-priced POS from Dyson

I have no idea why the lady is vacuuming the footpath, though it perhaps it is a scene from an episode of Der Tatortreiniger, which would explain a lot. Nor do I know why the homeless dude is importuning her to buy a lily. Together they fight crime! There are all the ingredients here for a great Country-&-Western song.